Baby Steps..

This one is a bit unlike my norm. I apologize. I promise I have a funny one about pooping and boys coming soon! deal with me.. I just got deep ..

When do you stop?

If you’re me, the answer is never. You see, I am not afraid of failing. I feel like my life for a long time was an uphill battle, and even today I still feel the pain in my hamstrings from climbing. In 1996, my “World Cultures” teacher laughed at me when I said I wanted to join the Air Force. It took 8 years and a broken heart to convince myself to do it. When I enlisted, I said “baby steps..” I joined the reserves to see if I liked it.. I left for Basic Training and in my head I repeated (for 6.5weeks) “Baby Steps..” and  I made it through what most thought I’d never survive. I went to tech school and again, Baby steps.. Some of you know my tech school story- majority of you don’t. Short story- I washed out. I applied pressure to a bleed with my full hand instead of 2 fingers, and I failed skills. That meant I was no longer going to be a flight medic. But you see I am a flight medic today—a very decorated flight medic.. Because of my determination and because I didn’t take NO as an answer. I went home and waited for a decision to be made on the program letting me go back through- they did. To date I am pretty sure I’m the ONLY person who was reclassed to the same career field. And for that, I am thankful. But, I did it. I did everything I could and had to do to reach that goal.  I had help from TWO people, but the majority of it was my determination and not taking NO as the answer- and today I’m a flight medic- and I have dedicated my life to this job. I started college in 2008 and while I loved some things about it, I hated it. I hated the homework, the classes, and the challenge. It wasn’t easy and most of you remember my facebook posts about Math for 2 years straight. But, every week I said “baby steps” .. I deployed and continued classes, I got dumped, continued classes, the more that was going on in my life, the better my GPA even managed to get  a 4.0 every semester during a really awful time of my life. Because I didn’t fear failing and because I didn’t know how to do anything but keep going. I applied to nursing school 3 times, and got denied every time. First my test scores were too low; next there were too many applicants, the 3^rd time I stressed until I got the letter from the school. Before I opened it I said “if it’s a no, there’s a reason and I gotta find it..” Opened the letter and it was NO. But this time I didn’t cry. I started my junior year at UWF and picked Health Science as my major. At least with this I could go back and be a nurse if I wanted to. Instead I fell in love with the other side of the healthcare world. I am graduating in August with a bachelors degree- in 1998 I was lucky to get a high school diploma, in 2013 “baby steps” is the biggest phrase to me.

Along the way I lost my amazing boyfriend of 5 years. - a patient, understanding, and caring man- who would’ve done whatever it took to make me happy. I lost him because I was selfish, immature, irrational, and angry. I wasn’t even sure why I was angry, but I was. I hurt him, I embarrassed him, but out of that I learned what was right and wrong with the way I treat(ed) people. I took the lessons learned and my fragile heart and gave it to the biggest PIECE OF SHIT on earth. Everyday with him was awful; he is a hateful, horrible, lying, angry person. I was patient with him, understanding, and always trying to help him be a better person. Everyday I thought “baby steps” with him-- one day he will mean I Love You when he says it.. He never did. And that’s ok. I was hurt when we broke up, not because he cheated on me, he cheats on everyone- I’m no different, and neither are the next girls. But I was hurt that I wasted my kind heart, patience, and understanding on a terrible person—traits I learned by treating a good guy terribly. Every day of the following year was horrible. I was again very hateful.. I tried saying baby steps- but it wasn’t enough. I was lost. Days were awful and nights were worse. At times, I’d lay on my living room floor, completely alone, crying and I didn’t know why and I felt I had no one to turn to. One day while crying “baby steps” came out of my mouth and I realized there was no giving up- that was too easy. The best thing I did was spent the next 8 months “finding me” by taking baby steps. First, I said I have hate, get it out. And I talked about it to a therapist, sisters, friends, (but not a ton of them, just a few)  I read books, I looked at what I was doing or how I was reacting to situations and I pointed the finger at ME not at the external issues. Those were only there because I was allowing them to be there. I have since become a great person. I’m kind, I am patient, I want to help others. I try very hard to make good decisions, sometimes they turn out to be bad, but sometimes the bad have a reason for happening. Some calling it failing- but that’s fine too. I’m not afraid of failing. It hurts and I cry when things go wrong because—I’m ready for my “rights.”

Recently I experienced the hate, rage, and anger of another person, but similar to the things I used to feel (ok, WAY more extreme) and I got angry that “fate” would bring me back to this stage of “my” life, even if it wasn’t me that was acting this way. I saw the pain in someone else’s eyes- the same look and pain that I saw in the boyfriend’s eyes that I put through hell. Upon meeting this one, I thought—this is my good karma- this is my 2^nd chance at having a good guy- then as the shit storm rained down I realized it was karma that was both good and bad. I may not have what I wanted from that, but I feel that I am helping that person get the life deserved.. Every day with the struggles I saw in that I thought “baby steps.” And I thought of how far I had come since the days of being a hateful person to an undeserving, kind man.

I’m going to continue with school, I’m going to get a Masters degree by taking baby steps. Every night that I fall asleep- I realize I took a lot of baby steps and got pretty far. Instead of running and missing out on the good along the way- and instead of quitting- I will continue to take baby steps..

You see, I’m not afraid of failing- all of my failures have made me this person today. They’ve brought better things to my life. Failing isn’t bad—and neither are baby steps. The most important thing to remember is that you can’t give up. My motivation and my determination are hidden in baby steps and the courage I have to fail and know something good will come from it. 

My "rebuttal" to a guys blog about "Dating"

My response is the obvious in BLACK BOLD lettering.. Thank you Alec --- Folks-- check him out here Alec's Awesome Rants..

The dating game, keep the ball in your court!

AUGUST 26, 2012 BY RANTTOPIA

0

Dating is a game, anyone who refuses to play it, ends up being played unknowingly.  I will give you step by step dating instructions on how to play things so you are always in control. (oh this oughta be good.. dating tips, from a GUY)

If possible, get a distraction.  It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but make sure you have at least one person on the back burner so that you have a distraction.  What I am about to tell you only works if you can maintain your composure.  Maintaining composure is hard to do when you’re waiting for someone to text you. (so start off as a cheating idiot.. yeah.. that’s gonna work… NO, don’t do this.. how about just get to know ONE girl?-- sure you aren't OFFICIALLY "IN A RELATIONSHIP" on facebook- but starting off with this type of banana shit isn't gonna fly.. not with an AWESOME girl. (like me.) )

**think you won't get caught.. I beg to differ.. it doesn't take much for a girl to catch on and FB makes it SO MUCH EASIER now days... thank you FB. 

The first rule is never be the last one to text and always keep the ball in your court.  If he or she was the last one to text you, wait a while before texting that person back.  If you do not do that, you will give the other person to much security and they will become complacent.  In other words, you always want the other person to thinking that you might not be into them.(I made it to the first line and threw up.. Soooo.. let’s play a game.. but it shouldn’t matter, since you have “one on the back burner” just move along to that one until this one texts back.. scum)

This next trick only works if the other person genuinely likes you.(umm..)  If you were a one night stand (at this point you already realize you're a whore), it won’t matter what you do, you won’t get another text or phone call until they want more action.(which you'll fall for..) If you somehow got yourself into a situation where you feel you’re being ignored, and you’re not just a one night stand, there is only one thing you can do.  You have to do this word for word, or it won’t work.

1.  Stop all forms of contact with that person, even facebook.(screams I’m not interested, leave me alone.. well.. In the adult world it does.)

2.  Eventually they will try to contact you, no matter what happens, you have to ignore that attempt at all costs.  After the attempt is made wait a few hours and if the person is on your facebook, post something random and breezy.  An good example would be, loving life!(lie, like the majority of dummies on fb, got it.)

3.  Eventually, it may even be a day or two later, the other person will text you again.  They might be a little upset or annoyed, this is normal.  At that point, text them right back and act like nothing happened.  Say, “hey, sorry I didn’t text you back, I saw it, but them got busy and forgot.  Whats up:).(Oh, wait .. I see what we’re doing here.. now I’m the liar, not just them.. ahhh, ok.. good!! now that we're on the same page.. lemme get the guy on the back burner on board.. )

We all know when we like someone we will wake up at 4 am because we thought we heard the phone go off.  We will get excited when or phones ring, just to be disappointed with it’s not that special someone.  Telling them you forgot will trigger a subconscious response.  They will be fine that you were busy and forgot, but the fact that you forgot will bother them and they will try harder.(or again, think you aren’t interested and move on with their life—QUICKLY throwing you in the FRIEND ZONE)***( BTW.. if this MOTHER effer is texting me at 4am, we are gonna have a bigger problem to deal with -- nevermind back burner broad..)

This will do two very important things.  First it will put the ball in your court and make them chase you.  Second it will let you know they like you more than just a friend with benefits.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have made that many attempts to talk to you.  It changes the game and it changes the tide from you chasing them to them chasing you. Be careful, guys are possessive creatures and even if they don’t like you, they may act a certain way to keep you around and on the hook.(ohh.. lemme get this straight.. you’ve had sex with this person and you aren’t sure if they like you vice versa.. ok recognize this as a sign YOU’RE A SLUT.. AND this does 3 things not 2 see above (FZ) )

You can use this more than once, but eventually it stops working.  Of course you need to keep playing the game after this is complete. Enjoy

This is by far the dumbest advice ever.. AND NOW I understand the mind of a guy… So, the ones who say they don’t want to play a game? ARE PLAYING A GAME? Okkkk.. Got it.. Guys should be happy there’s slutty chics in the world that will sleep with them, regardless.. all while good girls sit here and blog about how dating in her 30s is miserable.. and she’ll just continue to work on self improvement, soon be successful and rich, and forget all about little ol him! Hahahah..(and probably fall in love with the distraction/back burner guy..)

I look forward to more responses to you, Alec.. Good work! 

Xoxox Alec! 

The FRIEND ZONE... (with added bonus dating tips throughout)

I think I was 26 the first time I heard the term "Friend zone"and it was introduced to me by what is now my very best and closest friend, a guy who holds the #1 spot in this place that I'm going to call FZ..

The friendship started because I was working at the base clinic and with extreme courage, he came to meet the girl who no one really knew (I'm a reservist, and randomly show up at the base to work) anyhow.. At that time I had a boyfriend so it was obvious where this would lead.. In turn this led to him meeting lots of girls over the years, that I was friends with, who instantly did the same thing-- FZ, on top of that, he has been my punching bag through 2 failed relationships, my constant friend through all the shitty ones, has even had to give up friends (because when I was done, I took my friend too), has talked me down from the ledge several times, has watched me attempt to destroy my life in fits of rage otherwise known as "GOODNIGHT WORLD" moments, and has been to war with me (literal and figurative).. He's been through a LOT with me, in the FZ now for 7 years strong!  .. This is one of the greatest guys most of us will EVER meet, and good looking-- so what happened?

Here we go..

Guys are straight cry babies about this happening.. And usually I hear the same thing from the guys who ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN (yes, you allow it.) They say this.. "She wishes she could find a guy like me, but won't be with me--she's stupid" You know who's stupid? You.. You're stupid for helping her meet other guys, (or dropping her off at the other guys house, RUINING THE NEXT 2 YEARS of her life) being the guy who lets her burp, cuss, fart, and not only DISCUSS pooping in general-- but listen to her stories about the actual poop she took.. You are there, saying all the right things when she is sad or pissed off, being a true best friend, almost like a sister, but you have balls, so a brother-- but you aren't going in to close the deal, and if you are trying to close the deal-- you are doing it at the wrong times..

You got the "great guy" down -- so now you need to figure out when the right time to make the move (and by that I mean ask her out, don't touch her)  Most of the dudes in my FZ that HAVE tried, try when I'm mid tears, snot all over my face, or about to put my fist through a wall.. no.. not the right time.. On the other hand, there is a level of FZ that almost no one can escape out of.. Even if her friends tell her everyday that she should marry you, or she realizes how much you positively impact her life, there comes a time when it's LITERALLY like dating your brother! From personal experience, I learned to be careful with TRUE friends.. I've had ONE broken heart-- and that was from a very short relationship in my early 20s... I took a chance with my best guy friend who begged me to give him that chance.. then he realized a couple months in that he just wanted to "be 21" and "single" I now lost my boyfriend-- but worse-- my best friend..

The guy I mentioned in the beginning and the main person influencing THIS blog-- I could never live without. and that is probably the reason he is in the FZ..

How to NOT get put into the FZ.. 
These are just things I think can help you guys out.. and things that have caused you to have a seat in it.

1) If you want it-- GO GET IT..
 You have had moments of flirting with this girl that alcohol isn't involved with and she mentions something that leads you to think she's interested.. OK here's the chance.. Even if you are at 2 separate locations, in my example I will use 2 different hotels located near each other.. (maybe you're traveling, I dont know/2 different areas of town, you get the point) if there is some flirtatious texting going on (no, not sexting) and she says anything along the lines of "I wish you didn't leave" or "I wish your hotel room was here" or "I want to hang out with you more.." You get your ass BACK to HER hotel .. you knock on her door, and when she opens it-- KISS HER.. DO NOT do anything first.. STALLING is your biggest error.. yep.. contradicted my "first date kissing" NO rule-- this isn't a date.. This is most likely a girl who is shy or not sure how to cross the line.. and then.. exit.. You will have the power at this point! This HAS happened to me ONCE in my life- and will probably be in my memory bank FOREVER.

2) DON'T BE HER "BOY"... girls have girlfriends for a reason.. They help us find guys to "date" (torture), listen to our stories about our horrible dates, our period, and how much we can't stand the other girl(s) etc .  Try taking her to dinner-- ask her to dress up .. don't be creepy-- just throw it out there-- see what happens.. DON'T ASSUME YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH.. she's probably thinking that about herself.

3)PICK UP ON HINTS. you aren't dating, but.. she's your friend on facebook.. and she "likes" certain pictures, statuses, or maybe even goes as far as commenting about how cute you are in a pic? THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE if you aren't already "real life" friends.. (meeting someone at a party once, doesn't constitute "Friends")
ex: you have a terrible mustache (for mustache march, obviously) and you post a picture- and she comments something like.. "Get that off your pretty face" and then you post the shaved pic, and she says "better" or something-- DONT' JUST "LIKE" her comment. FLIRT BACK!!! If you don't already have her phone number-- ASK FOR IT-- or I guess you gotta do it on fb.. whether on that thread, or in a private msg-- start flirting back.. USE CAUTION.. if she's "ME" -- private msg, bc if I'm not  REALLY interested-- I have no filter and will let the whole cyber world know it..

4) GET HER NUMBER. (stop being a vagina).  Stop as my roommate would say "LMS" (liking my status) .. the only form of communication between you 2 should not be FB.. Use this line -- it works. "Hey I'm hardly ever on here-- gimme your number so I can text you" .. or.. "Hey-- what are you doing  (random day) we should hang out sometime! Text me so I have your number".. done. now you're onto text-- magic happens with girls and texts.. (My therapist says we use text messages like journals and say TOO much there.. ) ** if you DO text her-- "lol , :) , or ;)" (wink face) ARE NOT WORDS.. we don't under fucking stand what that means..

5) TELL HER, don't ask, tell her when you are going to go on a date (this works if she gives you the #, she isn't giving a creep her phone #)   spending days or even weeks texting is silly.. we're old-- TELL HER SHE'S GOING ON A DATE WITH YOU! story time..  The last date I went on.. I had to introduce the idea.. I wasn't sure how to ask (I thought he'd say no)  I had been waiting for him to-- he didn't (of course) and it happened,  my finger accidentally typed this "We should maybe go on a date...." the response time seemed like 30 mins of that little "imessage" bubble-- but in reality-- 2 mins later "We could probably do that.. how about friday".. Bam.. it's set.. she can't back out-- BUT again, lots of girls aren't ME.. they're waiting for YOU to make that move.. so .. .once you got her digits-- you send a COUPLE (4) msgs, and then you say-- "We're going go cart racing(or whatever) friday.. meet me there" (driving yourself gives you both time to dance in the car, fart comfortably, and relax a little.. ) ***** IF YOU HAVE TO reschedule it's fine, things happen- but.. DO ALL YOU CAN to make it that same week-- don't give her time to think about it-- and don't make her think you're just canceling by NOT having a different day picked out..(ex: date planned for friday-- plans change (for a LEGIT REASON) say "hey.. is thursday good instead, this came up..."

6) MAKE MOVES!  By date 2, things are good bc you are still trying, and bc you've probably talked quite a bit via text/phone and if you're both on date 2-- she likes you!  When you meet up, greet her with a hug.. if hugs are too much, kind of a arm around her lower waist- brushing the "small" of her back, no, don't smack her butt--  and at the end of the date- kiss her.. maybe licking her mouth is too much tho.. kiss her on the cheek.. If anything happened between date 1 and 2, (like-- a miscommunication in plans for the night before that led her to think she was stood up) --kissing her is probably a bad idea-- so-- maybe a light peck on the cheek, and say YOU'RE SORRY, even if you said it 300 times-- say it, and mean it.. K, thanks.


But.. 

If you got yourself in the friend zone within a date or 3, she isn't interested. bottom line.. maybe she wants to be your best friend-- but.. she is NEVER GOING TO DATE YOU! Maybe you can ask her what got you there.. But, I bet the #1 answerYou hesitated, didn't make a move, or something similar-" you made her doubt you wanted her- so she shut off any feelings.. .. now, if she isn't talking to you at all-- you may wanna reevaluate yourself, you aren't even in the FZ at this point.


Now.. something from a GUY about FZ...
He told me (yesterday) that he did the "reverse friend zone" and explained it's when they get put in the FZ AFTER the "hook up" ... and when I called him a gross human being.. he explained he "only does that to girls who give it up the first time hanging out" .. WHAT? I'm sorry-- I didn't realize you have NO CONTROL of your mouth, hands, and wiener, or whatever parts were involved- and it's all her fault.. NO .. like I told him-- those girls have self esteem issues, because disgusting men exist.. and some think the ONLY way they can get your attention is to do that.. You my friend, are a whore.. (yes, the guy.. not the girl).. well.. maybe both.. but either way- don't blame the girl for being "a slut" and don't call that FZ.. we as girls don't consider us friends-- in fact-- we're plotting your demise while drinking cheap wine with our most vicious girlfriends..

Here it is.. my thoughts on the friend zone.. Stop crying.. and stop making the same mistakes so much.. If you're a great guy, good looking, and have your shit together-- and a TON of girlfriends-- YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG..

To my best friend in the FZ.. not only would one of us end up dead--if the FZ didn't exist, but relationships don't last forever-- best friends do.. :) and I have to share one of my million memories with   him... (We were on an adventure and I saw a pic from it on fb-- his butt was facing the camera)

"hey ____"-- when did you get that butt.. it's really nice
"Hey Kim" you know where it's been??  it's been here all along IN THE FRIEND ZONE.... " (with another line that isn't appropriate) hahahahhahahahah..


Friend zone.. When you're as important and close as her little brother..

When and Why a "lady" (used loosely) should date..

**** I have some dating stories from just my 30s that would make people think I was making up funny stories-- sadly-- all my stories WILL be true and I will share them in time.. This however, is just some dating tips and shit for now..

Dating.. Some people love it, some people hate it, but it's something we all do. This is for the ladies, but guys-- feel free to use some of these tips and also try to understand the "lady mind" while you're out searching for Miss Perfect..

Here it is. No one is that-- perfect-- it's about what you can make perfect for YOUR life.Not your friends, not those who see you out, RULE 1. if you laugh more than you fidget or even cry-- KEEP HIM..  In dating the first mistake we make-- thinking it's forever. Let's face it-- it's not. Don't say your name with his last name, don't imagine who will drop the kids off at school, or who will do laundry-- JUST GO ON A DATE. Sure, some things are forever-- but in dating for the most part, they aren't.  If in fact I'm wrong, then I for one wouldn't have good and scummy exes, right? I

Ok so when should you date? Well, some will say always date, never take a break, because we're only getting older. And some of you (once us) are guilty of searching for love-- WITH NO END! I may have thought that for a brief period of my life but can say I learned "WHEN" recently. You should date when you are able to sleep alone, watch a movie alone (home or theatre), and eat a tub of ice cream because you just wanted to and not because you are "eating your feelings." When saying "yes, 1" in a restaurant, where you will have to sit alone is not a big deal, and when you can go a full 3 days without thinking of a way to torture your most recent ex, then I'd say it's time to try dating.

Some common mistakes in dating are rushing into it, falling in love instead of recognizing lust/infatuation/obsession-- you know-- the cloud 9 HE'S SO WONDERFUL times-- when you need to fill my facebook newsfeed with the reasons he's so great.. ex: he got me flowers-- (stupid, why can't he pick you A FLOWER), he called/texted/"liked" your status.. (that should be normal, not a sign that he "loves" you.) Made you dinner-- (ummm.. because you think like Mitt Romney and assume YOU have to make dinner all the time? No).. OK, I think maybe I gave enough examples-- those aren't love- those are things people should do for each other-- am I wrong?

So, you're comfortable in your own world, can entertain yourself, and feel like you have a bit of control of your own life-- so let's go dating.. (Or I call it eating food (or whatever activity) with the opposite sex).. Why is it important to date? Dating is awesome.. It's like practicing for job interviews and the prom all in one.. You set a date for say, Thursday on Monday.. From that moment you decide to go on a date, you obsess over what to wear, you shave your legs, and think about the conversation for days. The day comes you actually DO your makeup. You draw a pretty little line on your eye lid, actually put thought into your eye shadow, and do all you can to make your lips and lashes stand out. You wash, condition, then dry, straighten, and curl your hair, and try to get it to look like a model and it usually does because it's not your typical pony-bun (that's what I wear).. You put on 29 different things- only to wear the first one you tried. And you check your butt out 10 times-- probably (if you're like me) you take a few self photos and post them on instagram or text them to your friends to get "Wow, YOU LOOK GREAT" confidence boost.  What just happened? You were excited about something, you took time to be a girl and look the best you have maybe all month, and you got some compliments.. That is a great part of dating-- you take time (whether 30 mins or 3hours) getting ready to look nice for someone else.. So, that's a perk! every girl needs that sometimes.. When you look good, you feel good-- right?

Finally. you get to go face this person.. If you're like me, you don't really get nervous-- ok, I'm lying, I get terribly nervous.. I don't know the proper way to be a girl, I burp at the table, I talk about pooping, I make jokes that are probably offensive to the date, and I ramble. I am the most outgoing person I know, until I have to go sit somewhere for a period of time with someone I don't really know.. I've recently started asking questions.. Here is a few of them..

1) When was the last time you did an illegal drug? (the answer to this IMMEDIATELY tells you to get up and leave or continue)
2) How many Rx medications do you have? (if they say Motrin, you ask how often they take it-- tells you right off the bat if you're dealing with a "bitch" sorry boys.. )
3) Are you married? Are you living with someone and sharing a bed? Is there a girl in your house that shares your last name? Are you not divorced? Is someone else on your tricare (or other insurance) that isn't a child? --- ANY YES to this tells you that THEY ARE MARRIED.. slowly grab your sandwich and leave. ha.. SPEAKING OF MARRIED. here are sure signs that he IS married and lying.
a. He's wearing a wedding band (or has a tan line from one)
b. His wife is "married" to him on facebook-- ladies-- it's called stalking.. do it.
c. His wife texts/calls/emails YOU or shows up to the "date"  (one or all of the above..)
d. He has an iPhone and turns off iMessage........... (that's a big suspicious thing.. )
(yes-- common sense things-- you'd be surprised people.. YOU'D BE SURPRISED)
4) Do you feel women have a right to vote? drive? Be more successful than you? Do you think men can marry men, girls can marry girls..
5)What is the last home project you did or item you fixed? (if like me, you can't fix shit-- you're going to want him to have a clue about fixing things and tools and stuff..)
6) What is your life plan? Do you have one-- or is getting to tomorrow it?
7) Do you have a kid and if so, is this kid the age that they are still shitting in their pants? And if so-- how quickly do you introduce them to random ladies? (this tells you if he's a DAD or donated sperm for that child. OR if he's just looking for a girl to change diapers)

That's enough for now..

How to answer his questions.. 

Yes, I will have another beer..
Sadly.. Men don't have many questions. and that's why I end up telling them too much about me, or talking about poop (literally) because it's TOO quiet and I get uncomfortable. Which leads me to pick my nose...

Tips for date night. 
DON'T over-do it on the makeup, hair, and outfit. You're going out with him for the first time-- Don't give it all away then.. Don't wear heels you can't walk in or are a tall amazon in, be yourself..  I recently went on a date (it was actually amazing) and the guy told me (in text prior to) to be the "real Kim", because how else can he get to know ME? If you know me, you know that might've been bad advice to tell me-- to be ME, but his words are very true. I worried that I wouldn't be dressed "trendy" enough or keep him interested in a tank top and jeans and cotton zip up.. but-- that's me.. I will wear dresses and heels-- but- not the first night and I appreciate that person's advice.. SO LADIES-- from a good looking guy-- BE YOURSELF -- they want to know the real you
DON'T be a whore.. just. don't.
DON'T disrespect his ex or his friends (in conversation about those if they come up or you know them)
DON'T talk too much about your ex.. if like me, you despise your last boyfriend-- just make your response (if and when he asks about your last relationship) BRIEF and HONEST. In my case I just say "He forgot he had a girlfriend when I was deployed... so we're no longer together.. " Or sometimes I just say "he died.") You look pathetic and still not over it if you go on and on and on..

DO NOT by any means-- send him or show him any NAKED pictures that might be on your phone.. That is NOT ok.. don't do it.. you WILL be the wallpaper at his work place or texted to all his friends that night-- and he will NOT respect you from there out..

AND finally.. my biggest tip for both girls and boys..

DON'T KISS on the FIRST date.. I truly believe that the first date is to sit in the same space together, feel it out, listen to how they talk, judge their intelligence and open minded-ness (MY 2 most important qualities), and see if maybe you want to go out again-- which is when the kiss could happen.. There should be no time limit.. I think if it's supposed to happen, the moment will be right and that is what a guy told me once.. and like I told the person who told me that.."If the moment ISN'T right-- and you think it is and come in for the kiss-- I will kick you in the balls, blow my rape whistle, and scream "I NEED AN ADULT."

More coming soon..