America..... F yeah..

With so much hate and frustration in the country currently, I decided to bring my rant here rather than Facebook. First I will say there is no place on Earth I love more than the United States of America for more reasons than I care to mention and second, I think it's important to understand that I like a good debate- it educates me on the "other" side and other peoples views only help me both strengthen and reconsider mine. I prefer that no 2 people think exactly the same, and this is why our country is so beautiful.

I have served my country honorably for the last 9 years, doing a job most wouldn't - whether because they do not qualify or because they do not desire to be a part of the military... I find it extremely disrespectful for ANYONE who hasn't served to tell me and my brothers and sisters (military) to "get a better job." Why? Because I truly believe there is NOTHING better or more satisfying than what I have done by serving. In serving as a reservist, I am part of a group of people who are hit hard by the "government shutdown." A group of people who lost income, time at work, and sense of "worth" when we were told that we were basically "not mission essential" and could not report to work this weekend. Understand that reservists learn to wear multiple hats, most have civilian jobs, but for some (me) that is all we currently have. I am not just sad that I lost my income in this shutdown, but hurt that congress took my sense of worth from me.

The loss of income and worth isn't the hardest part to deal with though. The hate amongst the members of this country, the visible "divide" and the hostility I am witnessing is what hurts the most. This is a country that people beg to be a part of- and I am starting to question why? Our most recent argument is over the "Affordable Care Act" - a plan to help the uninsured be accountable for themselves- not a handout- not a "change what you already have" it's no secret that our healthcare system is a true joke (ranked 34th in the WORLD) and this is an attempt to "fix" it. Americans are so angry that "we" aren't willing to give it a chance to let it fail or succeed. Instead- we fight and blame one side or another.

While enjoying a beer at the beach with a friend yesterday (the day I was officially informed that my job was over until further notice) and had the "pleasure" of listening to 2 men share their opinion with us. comments like "that black bastard" and "democrats have the blood of 50,000 dead babies on their hands" were just the tip of their "intelligence." So much for our "good time" at the beach..

I feel you have a right to your opinion, but I also know there are acceptable and unacceptable things to say- maybe back 40 years ago, those things were "ok" to say in public, but it's not ok today and the lack of care for others is where our problems and hostility begin. Do I agree that healthcare workers should be frightened by ACA? Yes ABSOLUTELY. There isn't a strong enough PLAN in the ACA to fund them, staff them, and support the increase in patients that will need care. Do I feel it's solely up to healthcare providers to take care of people? NO- take care of yourself- most all the healthcare problems people have today are avoidable by healthier life choices.

We do not live in a perfect world, no country is perfect but we need to find ways to come together in times such as this to CARE about each other. Help each other out. Europe and Canada are just two places you rarely hear of on the news and both rank high on the healthcare charts--but- you know what their CHOICE in their healthcare system was? None.. They were told "This is how it will be", taxes were increased, ( example- in canada a pitcher of beer cost me $20.00) and people were taken care of. Some received better care than others- but the bottom line is- NO ONE person is left without SOME form of care..

Have your opinion but be respectful of others- who is right in the end? None of us- taking a chance is what our government is doing- ACA is a plan that has been in the "works" for the past 60 years- as a WHOLE, both sides are trying to come to a conclusion on what will work- finally, the current administration is taking a chance- a chance that has personally impacted MY livelihood- and I'm somewhat ok with that- if it'll help the greater good. If it doesn't, then we go back to the drawing board and come up with something new.

So today, I am sad that my value (worth) in the military was questioned, my income is gone, but mostly, that I was told to "get a better job" by a fellow American and am witnessing so much hate between the people of my country....

Also- I have been "accountable" for myself and my future. In addition to my service, I recently was awarded my Bachelors Degree in effort to better my life- I've spent the last two months interviewing for jobs---only to be told my "lack of experience" is risky for companies. My service and my degree are not really valued once again a question of my worth-- I don't let it anger me or make me quit- I allow this to motivate me more.. In the end- I'm accountable for me.

Now-- everyone go to your room until you have something nice to say.. You're grounded..

God Bless America....... (can I borrow $20 anyone?)

What 2013 ME would say to 1990s ME.. Oh the things we learn..

Friendships.

Do not put too much thought or value into everyone you meet. You will realize who your BEST friends are and why they are and you will understand the importance of acquaintances.  Both have different importance and those who are your most dependable “best” friends will understand you and just fit. Spend time and energy strengthening those, and less time fighting with the acquaintances. You do not have to fit into one group perfectly. Learn to find the good in each person. DO NOT BURN BRIDGES!!!! Those ones you burned are the ones you WILL cross again…

Love.

You’re going to get your heartbroken. One does not hurt any less than the other and each of them should teach you a valuable lesson for the next. Never put the needs of another person before your own. In love, you are most important and often we forget that fact. If you are busy fulfilling the other persons needs or adjusting to them you WILL LOSE yourself and you will regret it later.  Understand what makes your heart happy- looks aren’t everything.. For me, laughter and appreciation are. Don’t fear rejection – it happens for a reason.

Don’t invest it all into that one person. Obviously if you are in a serious relationship, this doesn’t mean go out and cheat on them- rather, continue to focus on you and your needs. With cheating- it happens, don’t take it personally. Those who cheat are no better or worse than you—they just handle things differently. If a relationship isn’t enriching your life- move along, don’t hold on to someone changing or even that YOU CAN change for him or her. That’s your first sign that it isn’t right. If the same thing causes the break up, then blame yourself but correct it. Don’t just dwell on the “wrong” or the fault, because it will only make you weak and someone who doesn’t love the most important one- themselves. Love you first, and then love someone else.  Until you find value in yourself or accept YOURSELF you cannot ask someone else to value you or accept you.

BE HAPPY WITH YOU.. What society tells us to do in love isn’t the way it has to be.. no matter what it is you “are” be it, and be happy with it!

Education.

Shit sucks, we all know it. But learning is so very important and if you miss something YOU WILL BE HAUNTED BY IT FOREVER.

Have fun in high school, but don’t think you won’t need every little bit of that later. High school is a must- however, it’s not about graduating at the top of your class, being homecoming queen (or king) or star athlete- rather, building the foundations you will need later in life. College is expensive and less personal than high school was. Don’t be afraid to get help with things you struggle with (Math, for instance). Get help then because without the foundation and basics, you will be behind and have less time to catch up and fewer opportunities for help.

Work with guidance counselors, college advisors, and professors. Make a great first impression in college classes. Most teachers aren’t JUST college teachers; today most run businesses on the outside or guaranteed to know someone you will need when trying to find a job.

Dress like an “adult” be creative in class, and be involved. Even if you aren’t interested in the topic, show you are enthusiastic to learn something new.

Join groups… Do an internship.. Have a minor.. Learn a skill (language maybe) that you never wanted to learn—and NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK!

Study ahead. Be prepared for what will be discussed in class. Not only will you be a step ahead but you will be able to hold an intelligent conversation with the professor and your peers as well as be less stressed out for a test.. Catch up isn’t easy.. EVER!  TURN OFF THE TV and social media… Read a lot, increase your vocabulary, open your eyes to other ideas that maybe you don’t believe in. Understand modern topics- politics, war, and government, anything that you’d normally not “care” about—start caring. Again, you will be able to have intelligent conversations with others.

Always be thinking of what next.. College is a short 4 years.. If you have a plan going in, be open to that changing.. Do not be resistant to change- something good can come from it. Get a job in the area that you think you want to work later- and fit in.. Fitting In has never been for me, but it’s necessary. Get along with others no matter what; learn conflict resolution in a friendly, professional way so that you don’t leave a negative impact on business leaders. Having a job where you want to be after college is important so that you are well known and more competitive than just a 4-year degree.

The job search is tough.. the degree isn’t the difficult part. Everything you did leading up to graduation is. Companies want to know you can make friends, fit in, and bring intelligence and PASSION to THEIR organization. It’s not about your GPA or the title of your degree.. Build strong relationships along the way and do things that will relate to what you want to be “when you grow up.”

Personal/Random

Have hobbies… Learn what you like so that you can be really great at ONE thing.  There is nothing wrong with being good at several things but there is something wrong with not really having any type of “hobby” or “Skill” that you can continue getting awesome at as you get older. It will also help you in times when you need a break from everyday life or when you are building adult friendships.

Smile AND RELAX- take time to see the good you do have, rather than the bad you don’t or the bad that hasn’t happened yet.

Not every single situation or circumstance will end the same, so stop thinking that at the start.

Do something bigger than you or bigger than most. Whether the military, volunteer opportunities, or perfecting a skill that most would be “afraid” of. You will have a greater sense of happiness doing something outside of your norm.

Work hard to get each thing you do have, it’s much more satisfying to have something that you worked for rather than something that was handed to you.

Talk to strangers- often they have thoughts, ideas, or connections that will help you grow along the way.

NEVER EVER give up.. The end of one thing or the “plan” that failed- isn’t the end of everything.

Don’t be afraid to think AND STEP outside of the box..

Never invest too much into one person or thing.

Go to therapy, help friends and strangers when they are down--- you never know when you are pulling or pushing someone down from a ledge.

Put 100% into you and your life. Love those who love you and forgive those who cause you pain…

Carry an umbrella, back up shoes, and extra clothes always..Expect the unexpected.  Don’t fall into bad habits—they may seem OK or cool at the time but they are difficult to get away from..

Love your body- you are in control of changing that with exercise..

 Limit how much you are willing to tell someone over a text message or email- actually spend time face to face and talking. 

Don’t talk about other people, and don’t wish ill on anyone. Karma may not be “real” but doing those things will only cause YOU stress in the end.. Don’t be jealous- you probably have stuff that person wants too.

Love your flaws and your MIND .. express your thoughts and learn to work with the “you” you’ve been given…The things you say “will go away when you’re grown up” WON’T..

Learn that you can learn by talking but – it’s smart to sit back with your mouth shut and eyes and ears open… You’d be surprised how much you miss when you are trying to prove your point or show “you know it all..”

Limit the negativity within your OWN mind. Turn the worst situations into lessons learned

……and for the love of god- learn how to count to 10 before you speak.. QUICK emotional responses WILL stay with you forever.

What to expect when flying... (Commercially)

Things you can guarantee ..........

·    *  Don’t speed to the airport, they will be running late due to “crew rest” “maintenance” and/or “weather delay”

·    * If you are running late, that kiosk for quick check in—yeah, it won’t work. But it won’t tell you it doesn’t work until you’re finished with all your entries.

·      *Flights delayed an hour? No, we really mean 2 but we’re gonna say one.

·   *Paid extra for the window seat, to avoid shoulder sleeping on a person you don’t know? That’s cute, way to waste your time- we’ll switch that seat to the middle seat.

·     *If you see me headed to my window seat and you’re in it because the airline took it from me, I’m now your middle seat mate. I’m also sleeping on and drooling on you—that stain on your shoulder—yeah, sorry bro.

·     * Wanna grab a quick sammich? No problem. $13.14 for a turkey sammich and a dr. pepper.. no smile either—come on, this is A customer service job- why would we smile?  

·     * Lipstick lipstick lipstick! Good god flight attendants of the world- where in the hell do you buy that clown paint for your lips? It’s too much

·     * And male attendants- take off the eyeliner, I’m not taking you serious with the o2 cup and that eyeliner.

·      *The sound of the lady who never travels, talking to whoever she’s with or the person she doesn’t know next to her will be almost as annoying as the sound of 175 cans of ‘pop’ opening. Only almost because

·      *The sound of 175 cans opening and ice being put into a cup will make a sane man crazy.

·     * If you didn’t get the window or the middle well then you’re in the aisle. Enjoy that cart slamming into your knee. And miss mac lipstick giving you the attitude because you spent hundreds of dollars and just wanna take a quick nap.

·     * If none of this happens to you—then wait until you get your luggage. If you get your luggage.

·    *  Delta is best for this one: Delayed (as usual) but hurry up and say “it’s weather related” so that every customer is now screwed and gets nothing from the airline.

·     * Screaming kids.. come on people- if the child of a "price" kid can fly  across country without screaming—yours shouldn’t either.

·    *  Depending on the age of the person behind you, it’s either gonna be a lumbar spine massage or.. a scalp massage (and by massage I mean HIT on the head by a child..)

·      *Sharing the window seat you bought with the person next to you- who is breathing on your neck just trying to look out your window.. STOP IT.. buy your own window seat.

....And sadly—that’s just a start..

Baby Steps..

This one is a bit unlike my norm. I apologize. I promise I have a funny one about pooping and boys coming soon! deal with me.. I just got deep ..

When do you stop?

If you’re me, the answer is never. You see, I am not afraid of failing. I feel like my life for a long time was an uphill battle, and even today I still feel the pain in my hamstrings from climbing. In 1996, my “World Cultures” teacher laughed at me when I said I wanted to join the Air Force. It took 8 years and a broken heart to convince myself to do it. When I enlisted, I said “baby steps..” I joined the reserves to see if I liked it.. I left for Basic Training and in my head I repeated (for 6.5weeks) “Baby Steps..” and  I made it through what most thought I’d never survive. I went to tech school and again, Baby steps.. Some of you know my tech school story- majority of you don’t. Short story- I washed out. I applied pressure to a bleed with my full hand instead of 2 fingers, and I failed skills. That meant I was no longer going to be a flight medic. But you see I am a flight medic today—a very decorated flight medic.. Because of my determination and because I didn’t take NO as an answer. I went home and waited for a decision to be made on the program letting me go back through- they did. To date I am pretty sure I’m the ONLY person who was reclassed to the same career field. And for that, I am thankful. But, I did it. I did everything I could and had to do to reach that goal.  I had help from TWO people, but the majority of it was my determination and not taking NO as the answer- and today I’m a flight medic- and I have dedicated my life to this job. I started college in 2008 and while I loved some things about it, I hated it. I hated the homework, the classes, and the challenge. It wasn’t easy and most of you remember my facebook posts about Math for 2 years straight. But, every week I said “baby steps” .. I deployed and continued classes, I got dumped, continued classes, the more that was going on in my life, the better my GPA even managed to get  a 4.0 every semester during a really awful time of my life. Because I didn’t fear failing and because I didn’t know how to do anything but keep going. I applied to nursing school 3 times, and got denied every time. First my test scores were too low; next there were too many applicants, the 3^rd time I stressed until I got the letter from the school. Before I opened it I said “if it’s a no, there’s a reason and I gotta find it..” Opened the letter and it was NO. But this time I didn’t cry. I started my junior year at UWF and picked Health Science as my major. At least with this I could go back and be a nurse if I wanted to. Instead I fell in love with the other side of the healthcare world. I am graduating in August with a bachelors degree- in 1998 I was lucky to get a high school diploma, in 2013 “baby steps” is the biggest phrase to me.

Along the way I lost my amazing boyfriend of 5 years. - a patient, understanding, and caring man- who would’ve done whatever it took to make me happy. I lost him because I was selfish, immature, irrational, and angry. I wasn’t even sure why I was angry, but I was. I hurt him, I embarrassed him, but out of that I learned what was right and wrong with the way I treat(ed) people. I took the lessons learned and my fragile heart and gave it to the biggest PIECE OF SHIT on earth. Everyday with him was awful; he is a hateful, horrible, lying, angry person. I was patient with him, understanding, and always trying to help him be a better person. Everyday I thought “baby steps” with him-- one day he will mean I Love You when he says it.. He never did. And that’s ok. I was hurt when we broke up, not because he cheated on me, he cheats on everyone- I’m no different, and neither are the next girls. But I was hurt that I wasted my kind heart, patience, and understanding on a terrible person—traits I learned by treating a good guy terribly. Every day of the following year was horrible. I was again very hateful.. I tried saying baby steps- but it wasn’t enough. I was lost. Days were awful and nights were worse. At times, I’d lay on my living room floor, completely alone, crying and I didn’t know why and I felt I had no one to turn to. One day while crying “baby steps” came out of my mouth and I realized there was no giving up- that was too easy. The best thing I did was spent the next 8 months “finding me” by taking baby steps. First, I said I have hate, get it out. And I talked about it to a therapist, sisters, friends, (but not a ton of them, just a few)  I read books, I looked at what I was doing or how I was reacting to situations and I pointed the finger at ME not at the external issues. Those were only there because I was allowing them to be there. I have since become a great person. I’m kind, I am patient, I want to help others. I try very hard to make good decisions, sometimes they turn out to be bad, but sometimes the bad have a reason for happening. Some calling it failing- but that’s fine too. I’m not afraid of failing. It hurts and I cry when things go wrong because—I’m ready for my “rights.”

Recently I experienced the hate, rage, and anger of another person, but similar to the things I used to feel (ok, WAY more extreme) and I got angry that “fate” would bring me back to this stage of “my” life, even if it wasn’t me that was acting this way. I saw the pain in someone else’s eyes- the same look and pain that I saw in the boyfriend’s eyes that I put through hell. Upon meeting this one, I thought—this is my good karma- this is my 2^nd chance at having a good guy- then as the shit storm rained down I realized it was karma that was both good and bad. I may not have what I wanted from that, but I feel that I am helping that person get the life deserved.. Every day with the struggles I saw in that I thought “baby steps.” And I thought of how far I had come since the days of being a hateful person to an undeserving, kind man.

I’m going to continue with school, I’m going to get a Masters degree by taking baby steps. Every night that I fall asleep- I realize I took a lot of baby steps and got pretty far. Instead of running and missing out on the good along the way- and instead of quitting- I will continue to take baby steps..

You see, I’m not afraid of failing- all of my failures have made me this person today. They’ve brought better things to my life. Failing isn’t bad—and neither are baby steps. The most important thing to remember is that you can’t give up. My motivation and my determination are hidden in baby steps and the courage I have to fail and know something good will come from it. 

My "rebuttal" to a guys blog about "Dating"

My response is the obvious in BLACK BOLD lettering.. Thank you Alec --- Folks-- check him out here Alec's Awesome Rants..

The dating game, keep the ball in your court!

AUGUST 26, 2012 BY RANTTOPIA

0

Dating is a game, anyone who refuses to play it, ends up being played unknowingly.  I will give you step by step dating instructions on how to play things so you are always in control. (oh this oughta be good.. dating tips, from a GUY)

If possible, get a distraction.  It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but make sure you have at least one person on the back burner so that you have a distraction.  What I am about to tell you only works if you can maintain your composure.  Maintaining composure is hard to do when you’re waiting for someone to text you. (so start off as a cheating idiot.. yeah.. that’s gonna work… NO, don’t do this.. how about just get to know ONE girl?-- sure you aren't OFFICIALLY "IN A RELATIONSHIP" on facebook- but starting off with this type of banana shit isn't gonna fly.. not with an AWESOME girl. (like me.) )

**think you won't get caught.. I beg to differ.. it doesn't take much for a girl to catch on and FB makes it SO MUCH EASIER now days... thank you FB. 

The first rule is never be the last one to text and always keep the ball in your court.  If he or she was the last one to text you, wait a while before texting that person back.  If you do not do that, you will give the other person to much security and they will become complacent.  In other words, you always want the other person to thinking that you might not be into them.(I made it to the first line and threw up.. Soooo.. let’s play a game.. but it shouldn’t matter, since you have “one on the back burner” just move along to that one until this one texts back.. scum)

This next trick only works if the other person genuinely likes you.(umm..)  If you were a one night stand (at this point you already realize you're a whore), it won’t matter what you do, you won’t get another text or phone call until they want more action.(which you'll fall for..) If you somehow got yourself into a situation where you feel you’re being ignored, and you’re not just a one night stand, there is only one thing you can do.  You have to do this word for word, or it won’t work.

1.  Stop all forms of contact with that person, even facebook.(screams I’m not interested, leave me alone.. well.. In the adult world it does.)

2.  Eventually they will try to contact you, no matter what happens, you have to ignore that attempt at all costs.  After the attempt is made wait a few hours and if the person is on your facebook, post something random and breezy.  An good example would be, loving life!(lie, like the majority of dummies on fb, got it.)

3.  Eventually, it may even be a day or two later, the other person will text you again.  They might be a little upset or annoyed, this is normal.  At that point, text them right back and act like nothing happened.  Say, “hey, sorry I didn’t text you back, I saw it, but them got busy and forgot.  Whats up:).(Oh, wait .. I see what we’re doing here.. now I’m the liar, not just them.. ahhh, ok.. good!! now that we're on the same page.. lemme get the guy on the back burner on board.. )

We all know when we like someone we will wake up at 4 am because we thought we heard the phone go off.  We will get excited when or phones ring, just to be disappointed with it’s not that special someone.  Telling them you forgot will trigger a subconscious response.  They will be fine that you were busy and forgot, but the fact that you forgot will bother them and they will try harder.(or again, think you aren’t interested and move on with their life—QUICKLY throwing you in the FRIEND ZONE)***( BTW.. if this MOTHER effer is texting me at 4am, we are gonna have a bigger problem to deal with -- nevermind back burner broad..)

This will do two very important things.  First it will put the ball in your court and make them chase you.  Second it will let you know they like you more than just a friend with benefits.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have made that many attempts to talk to you.  It changes the game and it changes the tide from you chasing them to them chasing you. Be careful, guys are possessive creatures and even if they don’t like you, they may act a certain way to keep you around and on the hook.(ohh.. lemme get this straight.. you’ve had sex with this person and you aren’t sure if they like you vice versa.. ok recognize this as a sign YOU’RE A SLUT.. AND this does 3 things not 2 see above (FZ) )

You can use this more than once, but eventually it stops working.  Of course you need to keep playing the game after this is complete. Enjoy

This is by far the dumbest advice ever.. AND NOW I understand the mind of a guy… So, the ones who say they don’t want to play a game? ARE PLAYING A GAME? Okkkk.. Got it.. Guys should be happy there’s slutty chics in the world that will sleep with them, regardless.. all while good girls sit here and blog about how dating in her 30s is miserable.. and she’ll just continue to work on self improvement, soon be successful and rich, and forget all about little ol him! Hahahah..(and probably fall in love with the distraction/back burner guy..)

I look forward to more responses to you, Alec.. Good work! 

Xoxox Alec! 

The FRIEND ZONE... (with added bonus dating tips throughout)

I think I was 26 the first time I heard the term "Friend zone"and it was introduced to me by what is now my very best and closest friend, a guy who holds the #1 spot in this place that I'm going to call FZ..

The friendship started because I was working at the base clinic and with extreme courage, he came to meet the girl who no one really knew (I'm a reservist, and randomly show up at the base to work) anyhow.. At that time I had a boyfriend so it was obvious where this would lead.. In turn this led to him meeting lots of girls over the years, that I was friends with, who instantly did the same thing-- FZ, on top of that, he has been my punching bag through 2 failed relationships, my constant friend through all the shitty ones, has even had to give up friends (because when I was done, I took my friend too), has talked me down from the ledge several times, has watched me attempt to destroy my life in fits of rage otherwise known as "GOODNIGHT WORLD" moments, and has been to war with me (literal and figurative).. He's been through a LOT with me, in the FZ now for 7 years strong!  .. This is one of the greatest guys most of us will EVER meet, and good looking-- so what happened?

Here we go..

Guys are straight cry babies about this happening.. And usually I hear the same thing from the guys who ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN (yes, you allow it.) They say this.. "She wishes she could find a guy like me, but won't be with me--she's stupid" You know who's stupid? You.. You're stupid for helping her meet other guys, (or dropping her off at the other guys house, RUINING THE NEXT 2 YEARS of her life) being the guy who lets her burp, cuss, fart, and not only DISCUSS pooping in general-- but listen to her stories about the actual poop she took.. You are there, saying all the right things when she is sad or pissed off, being a true best friend, almost like a sister, but you have balls, so a brother-- but you aren't going in to close the deal, and if you are trying to close the deal-- you are doing it at the wrong times..

You got the "great guy" down -- so now you need to figure out when the right time to make the move (and by that I mean ask her out, don't touch her)  Most of the dudes in my FZ that HAVE tried, try when I'm mid tears, snot all over my face, or about to put my fist through a wall.. no.. not the right time.. On the other hand, there is a level of FZ that almost no one can escape out of.. Even if her friends tell her everyday that she should marry you, or she realizes how much you positively impact her life, there comes a time when it's LITERALLY like dating your brother! From personal experience, I learned to be careful with TRUE friends.. I've had ONE broken heart-- and that was from a very short relationship in my early 20s... I took a chance with my best guy friend who begged me to give him that chance.. then he realized a couple months in that he just wanted to "be 21" and "single" I now lost my boyfriend-- but worse-- my best friend..

The guy I mentioned in the beginning and the main person influencing THIS blog-- I could never live without. and that is probably the reason he is in the FZ..

How to NOT get put into the FZ.. 
These are just things I think can help you guys out.. and things that have caused you to have a seat in it.

1) If you want it-- GO GET IT..
 You have had moments of flirting with this girl that alcohol isn't involved with and she mentions something that leads you to think she's interested.. OK here's the chance.. Even if you are at 2 separate locations, in my example I will use 2 different hotels located near each other.. (maybe you're traveling, I dont know/2 different areas of town, you get the point) if there is some flirtatious texting going on (no, not sexting) and she says anything along the lines of "I wish you didn't leave" or "I wish your hotel room was here" or "I want to hang out with you more.." You get your ass BACK to HER hotel .. you knock on her door, and when she opens it-- KISS HER.. DO NOT do anything first.. STALLING is your biggest error.. yep.. contradicted my "first date kissing" NO rule-- this isn't a date.. This is most likely a girl who is shy or not sure how to cross the line.. and then.. exit.. You will have the power at this point! This HAS happened to me ONCE in my life- and will probably be in my memory bank FOREVER.

2) DON'T BE HER "BOY"... girls have girlfriends for a reason.. They help us find guys to "date" (torture), listen to our stories about our horrible dates, our period, and how much we can't stand the other girl(s) etc .  Try taking her to dinner-- ask her to dress up .. don't be creepy-- just throw it out there-- see what happens.. DON'T ASSUME YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH.. she's probably thinking that about herself.

3)PICK UP ON HINTS. you aren't dating, but.. she's your friend on facebook.. and she "likes" certain pictures, statuses, or maybe even goes as far as commenting about how cute you are in a pic? THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE if you aren't already "real life" friends.. (meeting someone at a party once, doesn't constitute "Friends")
ex: you have a terrible mustache (for mustache march, obviously) and you post a picture- and she comments something like.. "Get that off your pretty face" and then you post the shaved pic, and she says "better" or something-- DONT' JUST "LIKE" her comment. FLIRT BACK!!! If you don't already have her phone number-- ASK FOR IT-- or I guess you gotta do it on fb.. whether on that thread, or in a private msg-- start flirting back.. USE CAUTION.. if she's "ME" -- private msg, bc if I'm not  REALLY interested-- I have no filter and will let the whole cyber world know it..

4) GET HER NUMBER. (stop being a vagina).  Stop as my roommate would say "LMS" (liking my status) .. the only form of communication between you 2 should not be FB.. Use this line -- it works. "Hey I'm hardly ever on here-- gimme your number so I can text you" .. or.. "Hey-- what are you doing  (random day) we should hang out sometime! Text me so I have your number".. done. now you're onto text-- magic happens with girls and texts.. (My therapist says we use text messages like journals and say TOO much there.. ) ** if you DO text her-- "lol , :) , or ;)" (wink face) ARE NOT WORDS.. we don't under fucking stand what that means..

5) TELL HER, don't ask, tell her when you are going to go on a date (this works if she gives you the #, she isn't giving a creep her phone #)   spending days or even weeks texting is silly.. we're old-- TELL HER SHE'S GOING ON A DATE WITH YOU! story time..  The last date I went on.. I had to introduce the idea.. I wasn't sure how to ask (I thought he'd say no)  I had been waiting for him to-- he didn't (of course) and it happened,  my finger accidentally typed this "We should maybe go on a date...." the response time seemed like 30 mins of that little "imessage" bubble-- but in reality-- 2 mins later "We could probably do that.. how about friday".. Bam.. it's set.. she can't back out-- BUT again, lots of girls aren't ME.. they're waiting for YOU to make that move.. so .. .once you got her digits-- you send a COUPLE (4) msgs, and then you say-- "We're going go cart racing(or whatever) friday.. meet me there" (driving yourself gives you both time to dance in the car, fart comfortably, and relax a little.. ) ***** IF YOU HAVE TO reschedule it's fine, things happen- but.. DO ALL YOU CAN to make it that same week-- don't give her time to think about it-- and don't make her think you're just canceling by NOT having a different day picked out..(ex: date planned for friday-- plans change (for a LEGIT REASON) say "hey.. is thursday good instead, this came up..."

6) MAKE MOVES!  By date 2, things are good bc you are still trying, and bc you've probably talked quite a bit via text/phone and if you're both on date 2-- she likes you!  When you meet up, greet her with a hug.. if hugs are too much, kind of a arm around her lower waist- brushing the "small" of her back, no, don't smack her butt--  and at the end of the date- kiss her.. maybe licking her mouth is too much tho.. kiss her on the cheek.. If anything happened between date 1 and 2, (like-- a miscommunication in plans for the night before that led her to think she was stood up) --kissing her is probably a bad idea-- so-- maybe a light peck on the cheek, and say YOU'RE SORRY, even if you said it 300 times-- say it, and mean it.. K, thanks.


But.. 

If you got yourself in the friend zone within a date or 3, she isn't interested. bottom line.. maybe she wants to be your best friend-- but.. she is NEVER GOING TO DATE YOU! Maybe you can ask her what got you there.. But, I bet the #1 answerYou hesitated, didn't make a move, or something similar-" you made her doubt you wanted her- so she shut off any feelings.. .. now, if she isn't talking to you at all-- you may wanna reevaluate yourself, you aren't even in the FZ at this point.


Now.. something from a GUY about FZ...
He told me (yesterday) that he did the "reverse friend zone" and explained it's when they get put in the FZ AFTER the "hook up" ... and when I called him a gross human being.. he explained he "only does that to girls who give it up the first time hanging out" .. WHAT? I'm sorry-- I didn't realize you have NO CONTROL of your mouth, hands, and wiener, or whatever parts were involved- and it's all her fault.. NO .. like I told him-- those girls have self esteem issues, because disgusting men exist.. and some think the ONLY way they can get your attention is to do that.. You my friend, are a whore.. (yes, the guy.. not the girl).. well.. maybe both.. but either way- don't blame the girl for being "a slut" and don't call that FZ.. we as girls don't consider us friends-- in fact-- we're plotting your demise while drinking cheap wine with our most vicious girlfriends..

Here it is.. my thoughts on the friend zone.. Stop crying.. and stop making the same mistakes so much.. If you're a great guy, good looking, and have your shit together-- and a TON of girlfriends-- YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG..

To my best friend in the FZ.. not only would one of us end up dead--if the FZ didn't exist, but relationships don't last forever-- best friends do.. :) and I have to share one of my million memories with   him... (We were on an adventure and I saw a pic from it on fb-- his butt was facing the camera)

"hey ____"-- when did you get that butt.. it's really nice
"Hey Kim" you know where it's been??  it's been here all along IN THE FRIEND ZONE.... " (with another line that isn't appropriate) hahahahhahahahah..


Friend zone.. When you're as important and close as her little brother..