What to expect when flying... (Commercially)

Things you can guarantee ..........

·    *  Don’t speed to the airport, they will be running late due to “crew rest” “maintenance” and/or “weather delay”

·    * If you are running late, that kiosk for quick check in—yeah, it won’t work. But it won’t tell you it doesn’t work until you’re finished with all your entries.

·      *Flights delayed an hour? No, we really mean 2 but we’re gonna say one.

·   *Paid extra for the window seat, to avoid shoulder sleeping on a person you don’t know? That’s cute, way to waste your time- we’ll switch that seat to the middle seat.

·     *If you see me headed to my window seat and you’re in it because the airline took it from me, I’m now your middle seat mate. I’m also sleeping on and drooling on you—that stain on your shoulder—yeah, sorry bro.

·     * Wanna grab a quick sammich? No problem. $13.14 for a turkey sammich and a dr. pepper.. no smile either—come on, this is A customer service job- why would we smile?  

·     * Lipstick lipstick lipstick! Good god flight attendants of the world- where in the hell do you buy that clown paint for your lips? It’s too much

·     * And male attendants- take off the eyeliner, I’m not taking you serious with the o2 cup and that eyeliner.

·      *The sound of the lady who never travels, talking to whoever she’s with or the person she doesn’t know next to her will be almost as annoying as the sound of 175 cans of ‘pop’ opening. Only almost because

·      *The sound of 175 cans opening and ice being put into a cup will make a sane man crazy.

·     * If you didn’t get the window or the middle well then you’re in the aisle. Enjoy that cart slamming into your knee. And miss mac lipstick giving you the attitude because you spent hundreds of dollars and just wanna take a quick nap.

·     * If none of this happens to you—then wait until you get your luggage. If you get your luggage.

·    *  Delta is best for this one: Delayed (as usual) but hurry up and say “it’s weather related” so that every customer is now screwed and gets nothing from the airline.

·     * Screaming kids.. come on people- if the child of a "price" kid can fly  across country without screaming—yours shouldn’t either.

·    *  Depending on the age of the person behind you, it’s either gonna be a lumbar spine massage or.. a scalp massage (and by massage I mean HIT on the head by a child..)

·      *Sharing the window seat you bought with the person next to you- who is breathing on your neck just trying to look out your window.. STOP IT.. buy your own window seat.

....And sadly—that’s just a start..